It’s not about physical distance, but a growing emotional and practical gap.
A new and painful term has entered the lexicon of generational discourse: the “Absent Baby Boomer.” It’s a phrase used by Millennials and Gen Z to describe a perceived emotional and practical distance from their parents, even when they live in the same city. This isn’t about the classic generation gap; it’s a deeper feeling of being left to navigate the immense challenges of modern adulthood alone.
This sense of abandonment stems from a complex mix of economic realities, shifting family roles, and a profound cultural disconnect that leaves young adults feeling unsupported.
1. Their economic advice is from a different planet.
When a young adult struggling with a mountain of student debt and a brutal housing market is told to simply “work harder” or “get a summer job,” it feels deeply invalidating. Many Boomers came of age when a college degree was affordable and a single income could buy a home, a reality that feels like a fantasy in 2025. Their advice, while often well-intentioned, is based on an economic playbook that is completely obsolete.
This disconnect can feel like a form of emotional absence. Instead of empathy and a real understanding of their children’s financial anxieties, young adults often get lectures that seem to blame them for their struggles. It creates a chasm where a conversation about shared struggles should be.
2. They prioritize their own retirement travel over grandparenting.
The Boomer generation is redefining retirement. After decades of hard work, many are seizing the opportunity to travel the world, embarking on cruises, and living out their “golden years” to the fullest. This is a well-deserved reward, but for their adult children who are drowning in the cost and labor of raising their own kids, it can feel like abandonment. The expectation of having hands-on grandparents is often not being met.
Instead of being a regular, reliable source of childcare and support, many Boomer grandparents are seen as fun visitors who pop in between trips. This practical absence leaves young parents feeling exhausted and alone, wondering why their parents aren’t showing up for them in the way their own grandparents did.
3. They often lack the tools for emotional support.
Many Boomers were raised in an era where emotional vulnerability, especially in men, was seen as a weakness. Therapy was stigmatized, and the prevailing ethos was to suppress difficult feelings and just get on with it. As a result, many struggle to provide the kind of emotional support their adult children, who are fluent in the language of mental health, desperately need.
When a young adult is facing a mental health crisis or a difficult life transition, they are often met with practical but emotionally distant advice, or worse, a complete dismissal of their feelings. This emotional absence can be one of the most painful of all, leaving their children feeling that they can’t be their authentic, vulnerable selves with their own parents.
4. They are cashing out and moving away.
A significant trend among retirees is to sell their long-time family homes in high-cost-of-living areas, like here in California, and move to more affordable retirement destinations. They are cashing in on their valuable real estate to fund their retirement dreams. While this is a smart financial move for them, it creates a huge physical distance between them and their children and grandchildren.
This move replaces the possibility of casual drop-ins and easy family dinners with the need for expensive, pre-planned flights. It’s a deliberate choice to prioritize their own lifestyle over proximity to family, which can feel like a very tangible form of absence to the kids they’ve left behind.
5. A deep political and cultural divide.
The political polarization in America has created a deep and often unbridgeable gap between the generations. Many Millennials and Gen Zers hold progressive views on social issues like climate change, racial justice, and LGBTQ+ rights, while their Boomer parents may hold more conservative beliefs. These aren’t just minor disagreements; they are fundamental differences in values.
This can make holiday dinners feel like a minefield and genuine conversation impossible. This ideological chasm creates an absence of mutual understanding and respect, leaving young adults feeling that their parents don’t see or value the world in the same way they do, which can be profoundly isolating within their own family.
6. They don’t offer relevant career mentorship.
Young adults today are navigating a treacherous job market defined by the gig economy, remote work, and the constant need to learn new digital skills. The career advice their Boomer parents can offer, based on a world of pensions, unions, and decades-long corporate loyalty, is often completely irrelevant. They don’t understand the realities of contract work or the need for a “side hustle.”
This isn’t a malicious failure, but it is a significant absence of guidance. Young people are left to figure out their chaotic career paths on their own, without the benefit of a mentor who understands the landscape. The advice to “just go hand in a resume” falls flat in a world of online applications and AI screeners.
7. They are perceived as hoarding wealth.
The Baby Boomer generation is widely seen as one of the wealthiest in history, primarily due to the massive appreciation of their real estate assets. At the same time, their children are facing an affordability crisis. This has created a perception that Boomers are “pulling up the ladder behind them,” enjoying their wealth rather than using it to help the next generation get a financial foothold.
While many Boomers do help their kids, the broader feeling among young adults is one of abandonment. They see a generation sitting on immense wealth while they struggle, and they wonder why there isn’t more of an effort to pass that security down, creating a sense of financial and emotional distance.
8. They struggle to communicate on modern platforms.
Communication is the bedrock of a close relationship, but the technological divide can create a real barrier. Young adults live on text messages, FaceTime, and shared photo streams. A Boomer parent who refuses to learn how to use a smartphone or who communicates only through awkward emails or infrequent phone calls can feel incredibly distant.
This isn’t just about convenience; it’s about being a part of their children’s and grandchildren’s daily lives. When a grandparent can’t FaceTime with their grandchild or see the daily photos sent in a group chat, they are absent from the small, everyday moments that build a close family bond in the 21st century.
9. They are focused on being the “main character”.
A common critique of the Boomer generation is that they are uniquely self-focused, a trait that continues into their retirement years. Young adults often feel that their parents are still the “main characters” in their own life stories, treating their children’s lives and problems as a subplot rather than a central concern. The focus remains on their own needs, their own travels, and their own self-discovery.
This can feel like an absence of the selfless parental support that they expected. When a young adult is going through a major life event, they want their parents to be a supportive cast member, but they often feel they are competing for attention with their parent’s own ongoing narrative.
10. They underestimate the sheer exhaustion of modern parenting.
Many Boomers raised their children in an era of neighborhood kids playing outside unsupervised until dusk and a lower-pressure parenting culture. They often don’t fully grasp the intense, hands-on, and incredibly expensive nature of parenting in 2025. They may make comments that dismiss the exhaustion and anxiety their children are feeling, such as, “We managed just fine without all these gadgets and classes.”
This failure to validate their children’s struggles can feel like a profound lack of empathy and support. It creates an emotional distance where young parents feel they can’t be honest about how difficult their lives are, for fear of being judged or misunderstood by their own parents.