Getting pronouns right fosters respect and smoother teamwork.
The landscape of workplace communication is always evolving, and one of the shifts we’re seeing more of is a greater awareness and use of personal pronouns. You might have noticed them in email signatures or heard colleagues share theirs during introductions, and it’s a really positive step towards making sure everyone feels seen and respected for who they are. While it might feel like a new grammar rule to learn for some, or perhaps a bit unfamiliar, the core idea is beautifully simple: using the correct pronouns is a fundamental way to acknowledge and affirm someone’s identity.
This isn’t about being perfectly eloquent from day one or fearing every potential misstep; it’s about making a good-faith effort and being open to learning. Think of it as adding a new, valuable tool to your communication kit – one that helps build stronger, more inclusive relationships with your colleagues. Mastering this doesn’t require a linguistics degree, just a bit of mindfulness and a willingness to adapt, contributing to a work environment where everyone can feel comfortable and valued.
1. You can simply ask politely if you find yourself unsure.
It’s genuinely okay not to know someone’s pronouns, especially when you’re first meeting them or if they haven’t shared them publicly. Instead of guessing and potentially causing discomfort, the best approach is often the most direct: ask politely and privately if the setting allows, according to Laurel Wamsley at NPR. You could say something like, “I want to make sure I’m addressing you correctly, would you mind sharing your pronouns?” or “Could you remind me of your pronouns?” Most people will appreciate your consideration.
The key is to be respectful and matter-of-fact. Avoid making a big deal out of it or expressing surprise at their answer. The goal is to gather information so you can use their pronouns correctly moving forward. Normalizing these brief, respectful inquiries helps create an environment where it’s comfortable for everyone to share and be acknowledged accurately, making this a small but significant step towards inclusivity.
2. Pay close attention when people introduce themselves and how others refer to them.
One of the easiest ways to learn someone’s pronouns is to actively listen when they introduce themselves or when others in the know talk about them. Often, people will share their pronouns as part of their introduction, especially in inclusive workplaces – “Hi, I’m Alex, and I use they/them pronouns.” This is a direct cue, and making a mental note (or even a discreet physical one if your memory isn’t your strong suit) can be incredibly helpful, as reported by the authors at UC Davis.
Similarly, listen to how trusted colleagues or managers refer to the person. If you consistently hear someone referred to with “she” or “he” or “they” by people who work closely with them, that’s a strong indicator. This observational approach requires a bit of attentiveness but can often provide the information you need without having to ask directly, allowing you to seamlessly incorporate correct usage into your conversations.
3. Make it a common practice to share your own pronouns.
Leading by example is a powerful way to normalize pronoun sharing and make it easier for others to do the same, as stated by the authors at RIBA. When you introduce yourself, especially in group settings or to new team members, consider including your own pronouns. For instance, “Hello everyone, I’m Sarah, and I use she/her pronouns.” This simple act signals that you’re aware of and respect pronoun usage, and it creates an opening for others to share theirs without feeling singled out.
You can also add your pronouns to your email signature, your name badge at conferences, or your profile on internal communication platforms. These are subtle yet effective ways to communicate your own identity and to show that pronoun awareness is valued. By making it a standard part of your professional introduction, you contribute to a culture where such sharing is routine and comfortable for everyone involved.
4. Understand that “they/them” can be used as a singular pronoun.
For some folks, using “they” and “them” to refer to a single person can feel a bit like a grammatical hurdle, especially if you were taught in school that “they” is exclusively plural. However, language evolves, and singular “they” has a long and valid history in the English language, used for centuries when a person’s gender is unknown or irrelevant (e.g., “Someone left their umbrella”). It’s now also widely accepted and used as a personal pronoun by many individuals, including non-binary people.
Think of it this way: you probably already use singular “they” without even noticing. If a friend said, “My doctor was great today,” and you replied, “Oh, what did they say?” you’ve used it! Embracing its use as a personal pronoun is about respecting someone’s identity. It might take a little practice for it to feel natural if it’s new to you, but recognizing its validity is a key step in using pronouns correctly and respectfully.
5. Practice using new pronouns to help build your muscle memory.
When you learn that a colleague uses pronouns that are new to you, or if you’re trying to get used to using singular “they,” a little bit of practice can go a long way in making it feel more natural. You don’t have to do this out loud in front of everyone right away. Try mentally narrating, or even quietly saying to yourself, sentences using the correct pronouns. For example, if your colleague Jamie uses they/them: “Jamie is giving a presentation today. They seem really prepared for their talk.”
This kind of low-pressure rehearsal helps build new neural pathways, making it easier for the correct pronouns to come to mind automatically in conversation. You can also practice with a trusted friend or colleague who is also committed to getting it right. The more you use the pronouns correctly in these practice scenarios, the more comfortable and automatic it will become in your everyday interactions at work.
6. If you make a mistake, apologize briefly and correct yourself immediately.
Mistakes happen, especially when you’re learning. If you accidentally use the wrong pronoun for someone, the best course of action is a quick, sincere apology and an immediate correction. For example, if you say, “He shared his… I mean, they shared their report yesterday,” and then move on with the conversation, that’s usually perfect. The focus should be on correcting the error and getting back to the topic at hand.
Avoid over-apologizing or making a lengthy explanation about how hard it is for you or how bad you feel. This can inadvertently make the person you misgendered feel awkward or responsible for comforting you. A simple, “Sorry, she,” or “My apologies, they,” is sufficient. The goal is to acknowledge the slip-up, demonstrate you’re aware and trying, and then continue respectfully.
7. You can update your email signature and other online professional profiles.
One very practical and visible way to support pronoun awareness and share your own is by adding them to your email signature. It’s a simple line like “She/Her/Hers,” “He/Him/His,” or “They/Them/Theirs” (or any other pronouns) beneath your name and title. This not only clearly communicates your pronouns to everyone you email but also helps normalize the practice across the organization. It’s a passive way of educating and setting an inclusive tone.
Consider updating your profiles on workplace communication platforms like Slack or Microsoft Teams, or on professional networking sites like LinkedIn, if you’re comfortable doing so. Many platforms now have dedicated fields for pronouns. These small digital adjustments signal your commitment to inclusivity and can make it easier for colleagues to know how to refer to you and others respectfully, fostering a more considerate digital environment.
8. Try to avoid making assumptions about pronouns based on appearance or a name.
Our brains are wired to make quick judgments and categorize, but when it comes to personal pronouns, relying on assumptions based on someone’s appearance, their name, or how you perceive their gender expression can often lead to errors. People’s identities are diverse, and you can’t tell someone’s pronouns just by looking at them. A person named Alex might use he, she, or they pronouns, regardless of how they present.
Challenge yourself to pause before assuming. Instead, use the person’s name until you know their pronouns, or create opportunities for pronouns to be shared (like sharing your own first). This conscious effort to avoid assumptions is a mark of respect and helps create a more welcoming space where individuals don’t have to constantly correct others or feel misidentified. It’s about seeing the individual beyond initial impressions.
9. Take some time to educate yourself on why using correct pronouns truly matters.
Understanding the “why” behind using correct personal pronouns can be incredibly motivating and can deepen your commitment to getting it right. It’s more than just politeness; for many people, especially transgender and non-binary individuals, being referred to by the correct pronouns is a fundamental aspect of being seen, respected, and affirmed in their identity. Consistently using the wrong pronouns can feel invalidating, dismissive, and deeply disrespectful, akin to constantly getting someone’s name wrong.
There are many great resources online – articles, videos, personal stories – that explain the importance of pronoun usage from the perspectives of those most impacted. Taking a little time to explore these can build empathy and clarify why this practice is so significant for fostering an inclusive and psychologically safe workplace. This understanding transforms it from a “rule” into a meaningful act of respect.
10. Consider being an ally by gently correcting others when it seems appropriate.
Once you’re comfortable with pronoun usage yourself, you might find situations where a colleague misgenders someone. If you feel it’s appropriate and safe to do so, and particularly if you know the person who was misgendered would appreciate it (or if they’ve given general consent for allies to step in), you can offer a gentle correction. This might look like subtly emphasizing the correct pronoun in your next sentence: “Yes, they had a great point in that meeting.”
The key is to be low-key and aim to educate rather than shame. Sometimes a quiet word with the person who made the mistake afterwards can be effective. However, always prioritize the comfort and safety of the person whose pronouns were misused. Being an active ally in this way helps create a workplace culture where correct pronoun usage is the norm and where people feel supported by their colleagues.