You can shut it down without turning the workplace into a war zone.
It starts subtly—extra compliments, a private joke, or lingering eye contact that seems too familiar. Suddenly, you realize your coworker is toeing an emotional line he shouldn’t be anywhere near. He may not see it yet, but this dynamic could wreck his marriage, your reputation, or both. You don’t need drama or confrontation to handle it.
1. Keep conversations short and strictly work-related.
Once you sense something emotional is creeping into your interactions, shift into professional autopilot, according to Diana Altman at LoveShack. Avoid casual chatting or playful banter, and instead respond only to work topics in brief, direct replies. You can still be polite, but don’t leave room for emotional intimacy to build. Limit unnecessary eye contact, ignore compliments, and skip small talk unless it involves the task at hand. The key is to remove emotional oxygen without creating tension. When there’s no space for connection beyond the job, the emotional chemistry starts to fizzle. You don’t need to explain or defend yourself—your distance will do all the talking. Consistency is what makes this approach work without turning things awkward.
2. Mention his wife in neutral, positive ways.
A subtle and effective way to signal boundaries is to bring his wife into casual conversation—but not in a way that feels forced or passive-aggressive, as reported by Alison Green at Ask a Manager. You’re reminding him, gently, that she exists and that he’s married, all without being confrontational. If he says he saw a movie, say something like, “That sounds like a fun date-night pick.” Or if he’s sharing weekend plans, toss in, “Nice—your wife will probably love that.” You’re anchoring his identity back to his relationship without pointing fingers. This can help snap him out of any romantic fog and remind him there’s more at stake than a harmless flirt.
3. Decline invitations that create too much privacy.
Lunches alone, side conversations after hours, or “accidental” encounters that feel personal—these moments invite blurred lines, as stated by Megan Lizcomb at Buzzfeed. When they pop up, have a go-to response ready, like, “I’ve got a bunch of things to wrap up—catch you later,” or, “I’ll let someone else join so we’re not one-on-one.” You’re keeping the energy light but making it clear that private moments are off the table. Once you draw that line consistently, it gets easier for him to recognize the boundary too. These seemingly small decisions are actually big steps in protecting both of you from something you’ll regret.
4. Reposition your workspace if possible.
If you work near him and notice he’s always stopping by or lingering, see if you can make subtle shifts in where you sit or how you arrange your space. Sometimes just moving your monitor, changing your seat angle, or physically facing another direction sends a clear signal without any conversation. If there’s an opportunity to relocate or request to sit elsewhere, take it. These physical adjustments reduce his access and discourage emotional familiarity. It’s not avoidance—it’s quiet damage control. When the proximity drops, so does the temptation for unnecessary interaction. Less face time means less chance for a connection to grow.
5. Shut down compliments with silence or redirection.
When someone starts complimenting your appearance, personality, or presence in ways that feel flirtatious, the most graceful tool you have is silence—or a smooth pivot. If he says, “You always make my day brighter,” don’t thank him or laugh it off. Instead, change the topic or respond with a flat “Uh-huh” before moving on. Compliments that aren’t fed tend to die out. If you respond neutrally every time, you’re teaching him not to go there again. You’re also protecting his ego without fueling the emotional vibe. It’s awkward the first time, but he’ll get the message quickly.
6. Let your body language speak volumes.
Crossed arms, a slight lean back, and avoiding direct eye contact during personal chatter go a long way. If he stands too close, step back. If he tries to create a cozy corner of conversation, stay physically open to others nearby. Nonverbal signals are often louder than words. You don’t need to be cold or dismissive—just unavailable. The more your body signals “not interested,” the less encouraged he’ll feel. It also keeps things civil. You’re not confronting him, but you are protecting both your boundaries and his marriage without saying a single word.
7. Bring up other coworkers in conversation.
Mentioning others frequently—especially during one-on-one conversations—can shift the dynamic away from something that feels exclusive or intimate. It reminds him this isn’t a secret bubble for just the two of you. Talk about how someone else handled a project, mention what you overheard in the lunchroom, or casually bring up plans involving others. It may seem minor, but it breaks the personal momentum. You’re placing your bond within the broader work environment, not allowing it to exist in isolation. It helps him detach emotionally and frames your relationship as just another part of the team.
8. Don’t be afraid to be boring.
When someone’s emotionally invested in you, they tend to look for any reason to keep the connection alive. If you’re animated, vulnerable, or overly interested in their life, it reinforces that link. Pull back. Keep your tone neutral, share less, and don’t match their energy. You don’t need to be rude—just dial down your emotional presence. If he shares something personal, offer a basic response and let the silence hang. The more unexciting and emotionally unavailable you are, the less likely he’ll chase your attention. It’s not about being mean. It’s about refusing to be a source of emotional drama.
9. Say no to favors that feel personal.
If he offers to help with your workload, bring you coffee, or fix your tech setup, and it feels like he’s doing it to deepen the emotional bond, say no. A simple “I’m good, but thanks” will do. When favors blur into emotional closeness, it builds unspoken debt and intimacy. You want to keep things even and professional—no IOUs or special treatment. By setting this boundary, you remove his chance to feel needed or irreplaceable in your day. He may not realize he’s using helpfulness to bond, but shutting that down gently keeps things clean.
10. Reframe kindness as professional respect, not flirtation.
Some guys convince themselves that their kindness is harmless or “just how they are.” But if it’s starting to feel like affection, reshape how you respond. Instead of matching his warmth or playfulness, reflect his tone with appreciation—but with professionalism. If he compliments your work, say, “Thanks, I really appreciate the support on this project.” Keep it grounded in work. If he checks on your mood, respond with, “All good—just staying focused on this deadline.” This reframing places your interactions back into neutral territory. He might not even notice the shift, but it’ll subtly reshape how he engages going forward.